By Lucy

Days in England: 13

Caught your eye, didn’t it? We liked the food at the Filling Station quite a lot, so we went there for breakfast, once I finally managed to peel my diseased self from my bunk. Belgian waffle, with “streaky” bacon (why? I prefer my bacon to be as close to a charcoal briquet as possible), whisky butter and maple syrup. It was absolutely delicious and I damn near licked my plate clean. I need to find out how to make whisky butter.

I couldn’t sleep again – the vaporub had barely made a dent in my congestion. At three days sleep deprived, it was time to bust out the big guns: meth.

Ok, ok, not actual meth. Most people don’t know this, but the decongestants you get off the shelf – in the UK, Lemsip – don’t actually work. Studies have shown since 1978 that phenylephrine doesn’t actually do anything for congestion. The real stuff, pseudoephedrine, is kept behind the counter in small doses, because it can be used to make meth. I took mine two hours before bedtime, so my heartrate had time to adjust (possibly being a drama queen here).

Unfortunately, it meant I didn’t get up til noon and cut into what we could see before most things closed at 5 or 6. We walked over to the Museum of Edinburgh, which, pleasant surprise, is free! As it should be, we shouldn’t paywall knowledge. The museum is not the most comprehensive – I laughed when we went into the fashion section, because it has basically nothing – most exhibits are the size of a single (large) room, and rather sparse on the plaques. They are organized for visual appeal, however. Good for killing a couple of afternoons.

We killed time at the museum until our next stop was available: The Edinburgh Dungeon

They forbid us from taking pictures or videos inside, presumably to preserve the show, fair enough. They take some pictures of you when you walk in, like a roller coaster, but I wasn’t gonna stand in line and pay for them. Also, there is literally a roller coaster inside – a drop tower, to be precise. Don’t worry if you are afraid or too unwell for it, they let you know ahead of time.

The show was very good, just like the Ghost Bus, the pinnacle of British humor! The sets are all well done, good lighting, moving floors, smoke effects. It starts with ‘Judge Mental’ trying to discover which one of you committed the grave crime of spilling whisky (shooting a man is acceptable, spilling whisky isn’t). There’s about 6 actors and they run from room to room, changing costumes and rolls. They pulled one or two of us out of the audience for each ‘scene’, and having them all be the same actors presumably helps them keep track of who’s been up already. I got chosen for the “Cannibal Cave” section, which was a mistake. There was little I could do in terms of a reaction, because they basically wanted me to sit on a stool and act scared, but I kept giggling because I didn’t find it scary. They probably ended the show thinking I was a little bit mental (possibly not wrong). I also got pulled for the ‘plague’ section, one of three, although one of the guys got dragged back to the group by his girlfriend, who was apparently too terrified not to be clinging to his arm the whole time. The actor was so annoyed she broke character and declared “it’s not like I’m trying to run a show or anything here!” and I can’t say I blame her. I know most people aren’t me and it’s mildly scary, but it’s not that scary.

After the show was over, we stopped at a diner called an “arcade”, here using the Latin word ‘arcus’ for arch… for reasons. My stomach feeling dodgy, I got some fish and chips, and Rich got the haggis so I could try it for the first time! It was actually good – whatever you’re expecting, it honestly tastes like some sort of ground beef that’s a little too spiced. I’m glad I didn’t order it as my main, just because the spices would have been too much for my sickly tummy, but I want to try it again sometime when I could finish one. It’s good! Don’t let your nerves get the better of your sense of adventure.

The end of our day was the eponymous “Mario Bar“, which was the ultimate “I saw this on Instagram” stop. The cocktail bar runs all year round, but every 4 months they switch up the theme – this time, Mario! It was a nice little bar, every seat was taken, but I’m not really one for sitting around drinking. I order the ‘Banana Slamma’, although ‘Peaches’ also caught my eye. I always pick Peach for Mario Party, and even though they changed her catchphrase, I still yell “Peach’s got it!” when I win. Rich ordered the ‘Super Star’, which he also liked, but it came with a giant ice cube lit up by a strobe. It was impossible to take pictures of, and after a few minutes in a darkened room it became very annoying and was difficult to turn off.

I settled in for bed early, looking forward to my first good night’s sleep in Edinburgh, and lamenting that tomorrow was our last day in Edinburgh.