By Lucy

So much for my week off being a break. Partially by my own choices.

Saturday was a mess. They told us to come in at 6 PM to tear down the boiler. We got in and were told the boiler was going to be another hour and a half. We geared up and went to stand by the boiler anyway, like we were firemen or soldiers at the ready, waiting for the call.

In a way, the atmosphere isn’t too different from enlistment. As the fireball shows, death or dismemberment is not a remote risk at these jobs. We all wear a uniform, and there is a general attitude of macho one-up-man-ship. If you spend too much time in the office or talking to the higher ups, you’re a brown noser (or a less polite term for the same) and if you try “too hard” you’re a keener.

I always wondered if Stu misses me when I’m gone. Since he’s Finnish, he’s not very expressive (people tell me that, anyways). But as we were all standing around waiting for the word go, Stu tapped me on the shoulder and gestured for me to follow him. We went down into the basement where there was a small scaffold that needed tearing down. I chose to believe Stu brought me down there because he prefers working with me, so that made me happy, and it was better than standing around with the guys.

They found other work for everyone else, but by 8 we were back in the trailer. I had some of my lunch and put my head down on the table. Not that I could sleep, but there was precious little else to do – late on a Saturday night, most of the guys were dreaming of frosty mugs of beer and had little patience to spare. Might as well rest my eyes best I can. At 9:30 we were finally summoned for the boiler teardown.

We had exactly enough people for the boiler. I expected to be on the ground floor helping the young female, but they yelled that there was a hole in the chain. I looked at her and she shrugged.

Feeling ambitious, girl?

Swearing under my breath, I ran up the stairs and she took them out once I was off them. I ended up on the second floor – that is to say, there was one person between me and her. I was grateful that it was Max, he’s a stand-up guy, and he’d help both me and her keep things steady. The one above me was the 18 year old spitfire.

10 foot decks were my concern. They’re fifty pounds, it’s late at night, and I haven’t had a day off in three weeks. On the ground all I have to do is not hit myself in the foot, but that’s not a luxury I have 20 feet off the ground. If I dropped a ten foot deck, I could kill her. Or a bag of rights, or a 3 metre stand… anything, really. There is no room for error.

The kid above me was another concern. You need to keep your head on a swivel in a chain, watching the guy passing gear above, but also the guy you are passing to below. To make sure he’s got his hands free and is paying attention to receive gear. The kid was not checking and hit me in the head more than once (which is why we wear hard hats).

I started out passing gear easily, but I realized another concern. I’m standing next to a 20 foot drop, using all my strength to hold a large piece of metal over the hole. If my legs or core fail, I’m gonna yeet myself off the edge as well. When I had a quiet moment, I threw on my lanyard and attached it somewhere 6 feet behind me. That’s called ‘fall restrict’ – can’t fall over the edge if you can’t reach the edge. I could still drop the gear, but I could no longer go down after it, which allowed me to focus on other things.

We kept steady for a couple of hours, then things started speeding up as we cleared the superheats. My arms started cramping and shaking. If I’d had a couple days off, if it wasn’t almost midnight, I probably could have kept going. But there’s a line between determination and stupidity.

“Another lift done! Everyone move down, one guy out!”

Finally. I hoped someone gregarious would come down and offer to take my place, to save me the embarrassment of asking.

I was not so lucky. The guy who came down we nicknamed Mushroom Boy, because he will ramble at you for hours about the powers of magic mushrooms if you let him. A lot of guys like to hide in the boiler, lest they be sent home early, or just because they’re lazy – if no one knows where you are, no one can tell you to go back to work. I yelled at him to take over for me, just for five minutes so I could shake my arms out. He yelled back that I was doing fine and moved out of yelling range.

Get back here and help me!

So I committed the cardinal sin; I slowed down the chain.

It was the only option available to me. If I kept up my current pace, I was going to drop something and hurt someone, and gear was moving so fast I didn’t have time to grab someone to replace me. Someone would quickly come to investigate why the chain had slowed down and that was my out.

Nick came down. Mushroom Boy queried why, no doubt annoyed he had been found out hiding in the boiler.

“Going down to the ground floor to help her, speed the chain up.”

Aww, that’s so heartwarming! They really thought I was capable of keeping up this speed and the female on the ground was the problem. For a moment, I debated trying to push through.

The moment passed quickly.

“It’s me, I slowed down the chain! I need out!” I snapped.

They looked at each other. Mushroom boy offered to take over. Nick went down to the ground floor anyway. Ironically, they didn’t want to stop passing gear long enough for me to leave, so I ended up sitting on the ground floor for some much deserved rest.

When I finally got outside they also sent her out after me. She had crossed the line from ‘second wind’ to ‘overtired’ and kept hurting herself by accident. Like a Pokemon struck with confusion.

We hustled and got the boiler done around 1:30 AM. Some guys peeled out of the parking lot so they could hit the bar before last call. I took my gear with me since I wasn’t coming back before Dryden.

Despite that, I still woke up at 7:30. I’m not great at sleeping in and it’s worse when I’m anxious. I had a lot of ground to cover and very little room for wasted time.

Me and K went out for breakfast at Tina’s. I like going to Tina’s, and it’s kind of a ritual at this point. Me and Adrianne went there the first time we stopped in Thunder Bay. I ordered the eggs benedict, like always.

After breakfast, I had intended to go to my storage locker and change my tires there. But my arms were too weak from all the hard work and lack of sleep, and I lacked the proper tools. Mr Lube was open and had only an hour wait, so we drove down there and sat in the car. While we were trapped in the car, we discussed the random music I had downloaded on my phone. Bonetrousle came on and K was quickly addicted to it. Now I’m trying to nag him into playing Undertale. Everyone should play Undertale! The songs are all really good because the game has no voice acting, Toby Fox wrote it more or less by himself, but he’s also a great composer. He made all the music and so much personality comes through in it!

Tires on rims, should be cheap and quick, right? No! They wanted 90 bucks to put the tires on my car, which they only told me after they had changed my tires! Although in all fairness, I could have asked first and probably would have done it anyway – nowhere else was open, and I wanted my summers on before I drove 2’600 kilometers down to Barrie and back. Still, for 90 dollars I probably could have bought myself an impact and changed them myself, but for my sore, tired arms. We drove back to the storage locker, reorganized everything so my winter tires were at the back, then went on a Sunday drive to get my tires to 100 clicks so I could retorque them (I still have a torque wrench).

Since I was so exhausted, K cooked me dinner. It was just chicken divan with mashed potatoes, but they were the yummiest mashed potatoes I have ever had! I wish I could have taken some leftovers with me, but I have no cooler so it wasn’t an option.

7 AM was the latest I had ever set out before, but I had decided that sleeping in and taking it easy was best. Shortly after I left town, a bobcat strolled across the highway in front of me. I’ve never seen one in the wild before! They’re bigger than I thought.

The drive was uneventful until White River. It was strange, driving through Terrace Bay and not smelling the mill.

I stopped at the White River Subway, a four hour stint. The employees freaked out when I walked in, and I soon found out why. They had used up all the bread on some sort of catering order and had none for me. I was unexpected – it wasn’t camping season yet. They asked where I had come from with a tone that implied I had ruined their whole day. I graciously accepted a wrap in lieu of a sandwich – the only other options were the convenience store, or A&W’s. Then I did a quick lap around the parking lot to stretch my legs. The weather was neutral, neither warm nor cool.

I grabbed a pack of gum and one of those new Brisk Blood Orange drinks when I filled up the gas tank. The blood orange flavour is alright – it wasn’t bad, but I still prefer peach. I needed the gum for the next leg of the road, the twisty coastal bit.

This drive was also uneventful. I blew through Sault Ste Marie and stopped at the usual Tim Hortons just outside of town. I grabbed a coffee and a donut – I was feeling tired and not very hungry. My arms still hurt from not having a day off and my hands were burning from the neuropathy. Turning a steering wheel isn’t much, but it was almost more than I could bear in this state. I went on my usual walk down a residential road, to a stop sign and back up.

I was unpleasantly surprised when I got back to my car and found some guy taking a leak next to it. It’s not even like he was homeless and desperate – his truck was right next to mine, door open and everything! He wasn’t even in the grass, the piss was flowing down the parking lot towards me! I jumped in the car before I had to step over it. Nasty. I gassed up across the road and headed out again.

Stopped in Sudbury for more Timmies and to gas up again. Another walk around the parking lot, nothing exciting.

I had developed a strange pain in my foot. It was the heel of my left foot, first an ache and later a stabbing pain. I thought maybe I had been leaning on it weird, but no matter how I shifted my weight, the pain kept getting worse. I was wearing running shoes, not heels. I finally took my shoe and sock off, worried my neuropathy had somehow gotten to the point I was hurting myself without noticing, like a diabetic. There was no visible marks on my foot, and at this point little I could do but keep on ’til Barrie.

I got to Barrie sometime between 9:30 and 10, the sun having long since disappeared below the horizon.

My stomach twisted up in knots. People kept referring to it as going home, but I felt like I was just entering the city for the first time, even though nothing had changed from January. Hanuman said it’s because I’ve changed so much, and he’s probably right. As the roads got straighter and flatter, the traffic picked up, the trees taller, it felt wrong. The city felt too small, too full of people, like a childhood toy I had outgrown.

I actually drove past Brandon’s. I was looking for the two cars in his driveway, but earlier in the day his girlfriend’s car had broken down and she was borrowing his. We sat in the basement and chatted for a bit before I had to give in and go to bed. The room was exactly as I left it in February, the sheets still neatly folded at the foot of the bed.

The sun woke me up at 5:30 – the window has no curtains or blinds. I went downstairs and accidentally scared the pants off his dad (because I walk so quietly). Andrej texted me to make plans and I let him know I was going to Costco when it opened. By happenstance he was as well, so we agreed to meet there. I went to Tim Hortons and grabbed a bagel and a coffee, but could only eat half of it because being back in Barrie was making my stomach so upset. I texted my old landlord that I was coming by to grab my mail and he was up already, so I drove over.

I had expected to burn half an hour to an hour there, because he likes to talk, but to my surprise he just wanted me to grab my stuff and get out. He did mention he was recovering from a cold. He also said the woman I had sold my freezer to had tried texting me and hadn’t heard back. I dodged that – I had blocked her because she freaked out at me for not accepting less than 100$ for the freezer! I didn’t think she would actually try to keep in contact. We aren’t really friends.

I headed to Costco to meet Andrej. We each had small shopping lists and we were done quickly, so we ordered lunch from the cafeteria and sat around chatting for an hour. He suggested dinner with Rosemary, but I was going to be too busy and she was also busy with online conferences. He suggested I stop by later to check out a new toy he got.

I went to Luna’s place to grab the two plants I had left in her care, a desert rose and an aloe. The aloe I had bought for obvious reasons, although this was my third attempt to grow one because I always kill them when I try to repot them (I am not a gardener). The desert rose had been bought for me many, many moons ago, by my mother. She called me her delicate desert rose. The plant stubbornly refuses to die. One year, it got forgotten outside during a surprise frost and was shocked. It wilted and I cut it back a fair bit and brought it inside for the winter, where it appeared to be dead. There was no green on it. I dutifully put it back outside in the spring, and when I came home from work it had sprouted new leaves. It hasn’t had any flowers since, but I’ll admit I don’t take the best care of it. I’m not even sure why I continue to cart it around with me, because all it does is remind me of the family who rejected me. I suppose it’s just habit.

Luna’s roommate had been caring for them – ‘nurturing’ was the word she used. For a moment, I debated leaving them there. She has multiple plants and obviously takes caring for them seriously. I chatted for longer than I meant to, thinking about it. In the end, I decided to take them with me. Abandoning them at the first opportunity seemed irresponsible. The desert rose had stuck by me all these years, after all.

Luna is moving to Newfoundland on the May 2/4, so it’s just as well that I came back when I did. All of us are leaving – soon it will be only Brandon left, if that. Fleeing the sinking ship that is southern Ontario.

Next, I had to drive half an hour down to Newmarket to grab the rest of my stuff from Adrianne’s. Despite her complaining, I barely had more stuff there than fit in my trunk. We sat around chatting for an hour as well. She wasn’t coming back with me, it had been decided.

K texted me pictures – it had started snowing in Tbay! No regrets on the tire change still, though.

I headed back up to Barrie, stopping at Andrej’s place. I had managed to stop by when Rosemary was in-between calls, so we chatted about Soroptimist business for a bit. When she had to excuse herself for the next meeting, Andrej showed me some tablets he had lucked into for cheap, along with some other electronic knickknacks.

My laptop is old – at least 12 years old. My brother bought it (new) when I was around 16 (I was forbidden from having a laptop, as I “could not be trusted”). When I was 22, it was gifted to me by him, begrudgingly. It’s served me faithfully ever since, although the battery is totally dead. It will not work at all unless it is plugged in, which rather defeats the purpose of a laptop. I’m also waiting for the day it is basically useless, from being unable to be updated or something similar. It can’t be upgraded to Windows 11.

This tablet was tempting – basically the same horsepower as my current laptop, but smaller, lighter, and with a battery that works. It also came with a case that has a keyboard. I paid Andrej more than asking for it, since he had sent me money when I was so broke I went to the soup kitchen. He also gave me a couple extra bits and bobs.

I went home and showered, then had a bite to eat before my hair appointment. Julia is as much my friend as she is my hair cutter, so it was a twofer. We caught up as she worked on my hair.

There was one particularly funny exchange. She had two more clients while I was there. One of them asked what could be done with her hair (they were both eyeing my mane enviously). Julia replied “well, you have virgin hair, so there are no limits!” with a tone implying one was planning on deflowering an innocent. After a moment, I muttered “that doesn’t sound right” and everyone else burst into laughter, except Julia, who needed the joke explained to her.

I got cap highlights done. I wanted the blonde to be touched up so there wasn’t this obvious line where the blonde ended and my natural brown began. The cap is plastic and the hair dresser pulls out the hair to be highlighted with what looks like a crocheting needle. I’ve had it done before, but for some strange reason it hurt a lot! I was grimacing and wiggling in pain. Julia said the pressure change from the dramatic change in temperature had been messing with everyone’s pain perception.

When it came to my hair cut, I told her she could do whatever she wanted, so long as it was long enough that I could tie it back for work. I also asked her to blow dry it, so I wasn’t going to bed with wet hair (it would be 8 before I got home). I suppressed laughter when she turned me around to see in the mirror.

I mean, I loved the hair. The two other ladies oooohed and aaahed. But… it looked a lot like Gemma’s hair. Or maybe it’s just me! But I hadn’t even asked for it, and I don’t know that Julia has seen Sons of Anarchy.

I stopped at Costco for gas on the way back to Brandon’s, then we went out for sushi. One last time. There are no reliable sushi restaurants in Thunder Bay. There’s also only one Brandon. I felt my stomach drop at the thought of all the people I hadn’t had time to see. When we went back to the house, we sat in the basement and chatted for a bit, but I had to call it earlier than I wanted to. When would I see my best friend again?

When Brandon hopped in the car, he pointed out a whining sound coming from one of the wheels. I had noticed it, but thought I was just imagining it because all-seasons sounds different from winters. He suggested the sway bar, but my sway bar is new, replaced last year. Probably a bearing, which is nerve-wracking when I was putting something in the range of three thousand kilometers on my car in the space of four days. I was locked into my decision making now, no option but to trust that it could get me from here to Dryden without breaking down. I already needed an oil change and the Chrysler dealership in Dryden is next to the mill. I’ll just drop it off there and walk in to work. Even if they need to order parts in, I had plenty of time and I can grab a ride with someone else from the mill.

A thunderstorm rolled in while we were out at dinner, its strobe lights following me through the curtainless window and lulling me to sleep.

I left at 6AM the next day, locking the door behind me. Not knowing if I would ever return.

The temperature had plummeted. The wind was biting and I could barely force myself to do my usual walks. I ordered food that I could eat while driving and jumped back in the car as quickly as possible.

A grouse ran across the highway in front of me, outside Sault Ste Marie. It reminded me that I hadn’t had a chance to hang out with Hanuman for almost three weeks, and it would likely be another 2 weeks before there was an opportunity.

I got back to Thunder Bay before the sun went down but crawled into bed anyway. I was wiped.

First thing I had to do in the morning was go get vaccinated.

I never had the HPV shot. That was the first sign my mother had crossed into Facebook-scientist/ anti-vaxxer territory. Everyone else in my class got the shot but me. At the time, I was just glad I didn’t have to get more needles. Now I’m very angry about it. It’s going to cost me money out of pocket, but the HPV vaccine prevents 95% of cervical cancer and lord knows I don’t need more cancer. A vaccine can prevent an entire class of cancer? Literally a vaccine for cancer? Sign me up!

Sadly, it was not to be. The clerk at the pharmacy misunderstood me as trying to get a COVID shot (notwithstanding that I had booked this more than a week in advance, she didn’t even ask). When I corrected them to Gardesil, she informed me I needed a prescription.

I what?!? If I had a doctor to write me a script, surely I’d also have a doctor who could administer the vaccine itself, no? She blithely suggested a walk-in clinic. As if I want to sit in a clinic for 8 hours to ask for a piece of paper while other people cough on me.

Bollocks.

I wonder if I could find a clinic that does first-come, first-served instead of triage. If I could get in line first thing, or book online, and just breeze in. “I’d like to get the shot for cervical cancer, please.” I always get baffled looks when doctors ask why I’m not vaccinated for it. Well, you see, my mother got a degree in medicine on Facebook… There was also a healthy dose of slut-shaming as well. “My daughter is a good girl”. When she wasn’t straight up telling me that I was useless and stupid and my only job would be as a streetwalker.

I walked down the road to the bank and grabbed out rent before walking back to my place. I then made the mistake of asking my chatty German landlord about wanderjahre. An obvious choice, no? Surprised I didn’t ask the German carpenter about the German carpenter thing earlier, but I was worried about dodging the German question. He called it ‘wander geselle’, then explained that he’s from Cologne. He asked if I’d been there, and it’s possible I have, because we took a boat ride along the Rhine, but I don’t remember it in particular. We talked for an hour and I would have gladly stayed to talk more if I wasn’t on a schedule.

I hastily gathered up everything in my room I thought I’d need and threw it on top of everything else in my car. I drove down to the storage locker and desperately missed a second pair of hands. I could have made everything fit neatly, but I was itching to get back on the road. I shoved as much as I needed out of the car, into the locker, and closed it back up again. Then I drove down to the reserve to gas up. The gas bar I frequent sells some food as well, so I grabbed a mystery meat sandwich and wolfed it down as I drove.

Onwards to Dryden.