By Lucy

This post will be truncated because I am a zombie. I stumbled through work, went home gratefully and crawled into bed as soon as possible. I still sleep fitfully, I know partially because when you use alcohol to sleep, you aren’t so much resting as passing out. It’s not restorative.

On Tuesday we had a few more odd jobs. They were in parts of the plant with decommissioned tanks slapped with “Warning: Asbestos”, and I was willing to bet the paint flaking off the ceiling was lead. There was a thick layer of dust on the ground that was probably taking years off our lives as we inhaled it.

Dougie and Bayko are back from Dryden, to run night and day shift in the boiler.

Wednesday we had the thankless job of hauling the Skyclimber up to the third floor to the digester. Which we had to chain it, because the elevator was broken for most of the day. Jordan was starting to throw temper tantrums, because he wants to do night shift in the boiler for maximum dough and is concerned he’ll get stuck running the Skyclimber.

We were also missing Nick. It was his birthday, so I bought him a card that would make him laugh and made everyone sign it, but he was a no-show. Turns out he got absolutely wasted and didn’t regain consciousness until noon.

Thursday Nick was back and we were doing more of the same. Dougie also had me testing the motors for the Skyclimber while kneeling in a puddle of water from a leak somewhere above us. Also, every single plug had at least one bent prong that I had to bend back before it would fit. I made liberal use of the E-stop and flipped the breaker before unplugging or plugging in anything and eventually it annoyed him.

“Would you stop flipping that? You’re going to break it.” Dougie said,

“Really, I’m going to break the breaker by flipping it, which it is designed to do? I’m standing in water, all of these plugs are broken, and this system is designed for at least 600 volts. You can either put up with me flipping the breaker constantly or you can find someone else who’s willing to risk becoming crispy bacon, because you can’t pay me to be that stupid.”

He wandered off, grumbling.

K annoyed me as well. He wanted to make plans for the evening, but at even 2PM he still hadn’t decided where he wanted to go and he had some notion that I wanted to go home, shower, change into presentable clothes and then go and sit in a restaurant and listen to a bunch of children screaming (and be sober). I did not. I know his real issue is that he doesn’t want me coming over to his place, and he’s too afraid of accidental socializing to hazard coming over here and meeting Hanuman and Emily, but I am officially tired of how flaky he is. I told him I was going to the Greek Orthodox church to grab their awesome and authentic Greek food and then I was going home and if he wanted to hang out with me he knows where that is, and he didn’t have much to say to that.

Twin cities caught on fire. Twin cities is a place about 10-20 minutes outside town, where the propane depot and the racetrack are. They had to evacuate it but managed to get the fire under control.

Friday was the day all the usual suspects showed up for shutdown, a bunch of guys from Toronto.

Which also means Yari is driving the party bus, so I hopped in the front seat for a free ride and a chat. Yari is one of the few guys I don’t mind batting my eyelashes at, cuz he’s harmless.

Most, if not all of them, had been at Dryden, and recognized me on sight. Just like in Dryden, they all recognized that I have more clout here than they do, and everyone started trying to cozy up to me.

It also means Sharaz is back, which is annoying. Sharaz is an absolutely brainless, spineless dweeb who had the nerve to get in a fight with me on my Instagram before asking for a ride back to southern Ontario. He was definitely keeping his head down and his mouth shut today, probably lest I have him sent home, but I don’t trust or like him.

Me, Nick and Jordan were given a job at the very top of the digester, which was hot and dusty. There’s one little hobbit door that leads out onto a tiny catwalk for fresh air. Both Nick and Jorden have fully checked out and I was left to try and carry our crew, which I can’t do and it sucks.

Our lunchroom is too busy now.

The boys decided to go out for dinner and then drinks and pool. They’ve decided to use me for my local knowledge, which I appreciate.

Our last job of the day was the part of the digester next to the lime kiln, so it was full of black liquor and lime dust. I put on a dust mask and Nick put on his respirator, which is the surest sign of how nasty it was in there.

When we got back to the trailer, the schedule was posted on the inside. Technically they’re supposed to give us 24 hours notice of shift change, but none of us could be bothered to complain. I get Saturday off, yay. Sunday I’m in the graver. Monday I’m on something we all nicknamed “the amputator” because it was hilariously misspelled on the sheet.

One of the guys from Saskatchewan cut me off as I was driving home. I gave him a blast of the horn and he stuck his hand out the window and gave me a jaunty wave. Yeah, you better run. I’ll fix you on Monday.

Went home, showered, changed into nice clothes. Blow-dried my hair and made at attempt to curl it.

“I’m going out with the guys tonight. If I don’t come back by midnight, please call the cops.”

“Will do.” Emily replied.

Emily drove me down to PA and dropped me off in front of the Red Lion, but then I got a bunch of messages. Someone over-rode me and we were going to Thai Kitchen, which was fortunately just across the road.

We had Sharaz, Adrianne’s friend Hans who is usually joined at the hip with Sharaz but is infinitely more likeably; Ibrahim; an older man named Mike; David; and two brothers who had made the mistake of explaining that they were like Mario and Luigi. So we just called them Mario and Luigi and I couldn’t tell you their real names.

I presumed it was Sharaz who overrode me, because he was complaining about how the waiters didn’t look Thai and harassing them about if the kitchen staff had ever been to Thailand, but I was wrong. It was Mario, who just got back from a trip to Thailand a la my trip to New Zealand, and it was all he wanted to talk about. Too bad there’s no Kiwi restaurant for me to drag everyone too, but fair’s fair. I ordered Pad Thai with shrimp and a cocktail with Tamarind in it, which was lovely. I asked Mario how to properly eat the Pad Thai and generally tried to be interested. To be honest, I was debating a stop-over in Thailand/ Vietnam. Why not. The Soroptimist conference is already in Malaysia.

Admittedly, I had a moment of petty annoyance when I realized most of the guys had travelled to another country in the same way and I wasn’t special. But the annoyance passed and I found myself glad to be surrounded by people who understand my experiences. I’m also glad to be done with my imposter syndrome, which I struggled with last year when all I had were plans to travel and hadn’t actually done it.

Mario commented that the food was really, really good and authentic. A blonde lady who was obviously a higher up at the restaurant came out and explained how she gets the ingredients flown in from Toronto to make sure they are of the highest quality.

“I never thought we’d find real Thai food here.”

“Of course we would!” I exclaimed. That’s why I love Thunder Bay. It is the quintessence of Canada; a perfect melting pot of culture. There are very few fake restaurants and everyone is joyful in sharing their culture, not to forget to the International Friendship gardens. It’s also a union town; driving down Balmoral, you pass like 10 different union halls. In sharing the town with all the guys from Toronto, I was reminded why I fell in love with Thunder Bay.

At about 8 we left to walk over to On Deck. We passed by Howl, which had the door propped open and the big drums going.

“What’s that?” David asked. Mike also seemed curious.

“I’ll show you!” I brought them inside. Jody noticed me right away.

He gave them the usual spiel and then asked me when we could start the bar trivia. Oops. Still too busy! But I have emails to send about that as well.

We set up at On Deck and played some pool. I had a Long Island Iced tea and sat with Mike and watched the other guys play for a bit.

Me and Mike have established a casual, playful flirtation, which I enjoy. I used to have a reputation as a flirt and I’ve pulled that back quite a bit, and it’s mostly cuz of guys my age, ironically. I kept having a problem where they’d think I was seriously interested, they’d ask me out and then be super offended when I declined and make work a living hell for me. Spreading rumors, not doing their job if I’m around. I die laughing every time some guy complains they can’t be “friendly” anymore, because I’m afraid to even smile most of the time in case someone interprets it wrong. Maybe it’s cuz guys Mike’s age know they have no real chance with someone my age so they don’t get their hopes up, but I really think it’s how men are socialized these days. They’re entitled.

Sharaz wandered off before we got settled and never came back, thank goodness.

After a few rounds of pool, Mario and Luigi wandered off to play darts. On Deck was busy was busy but not packed, someone threw a bunch of credits into the jukebox and we lined up some tunes, the drinks were flowing and everyone had a good time.

David bought me another drink, but around 10:30 I decided to call it for myself. We weren’t really playing pool anymore and I was tired. I called a Uride.

Saturday I was hung over. But it was a good kind of hung over, wrung out and healing. I’d gone out and had a good time. I had nowhere to urgently be. I could just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.

I did eventually get up and do my laundry and go grocery shopping. And then I was wiped for the day, too tired to even play video games. I don’t feel like starting drinking this early. How to kill the rest of the day?

I knocked on Hanuman’s door. “Could I have some mushrooms?”

Taking mushrooms is an odd experience in and of itself. It takes about half an hour to kick in, although it can take longer if you’ve recently eaten a large meal. You feel like you’ve had pot at first… slightly dizzy and light headed. Then there’s this odd sensation, like a thunderclap, and you’re instantly hit with this feeling of dread, because you have intentionally poisoned yourself with mushrooms, and you feel hot and start sweating buckets and want to puke and regretting your life choices. Then the second thunderclap hits and you are through the doors of perception and everything is fine.

Everyone’s experience is different and every trip is different. I don’t really hallucinate in the sense of seeing things that blatantly don’t exist. I find I usually see things differently; the stucco patterns on the ceiling dance and form shapes. I was watching Legal Eagle for whatever reason and the colours of the video kept bleeding together or doing other weird things. On this particular trip, I kept finding everything absolutely hilarious, but I was also trying not to howl with laughter and disturb Hanuman (although I’m sure he would say I wasn’t disturbing him) so soon my ribs were aching with suppressed laughter.

I found I was able to use my amazing memory to summon up visions of the past, and was able to visit New Zealand in spirit, which was fun.

It made me re-assess the ways my life is unrecognizable to me. For at least 5 years after I left home, I was trying so desperately to recreate my childhood living situation. I didn’t want to move often.

Now my brain has become unchained from that old way of thinking, it’s bursting at the seams with unconsidered possibilities. All the things I could accomplish when I’m not worried about holding down an apartment. Why was I so worried about it before? Seems silly.

Still, every time I looked out the window, I saw view from the estate. It’s going to be my Rosebud, I think.

I tripped for a little longer than I meant to. I resist all drugs and mushrooms lose potency as they age, so I upped it a bit beyond what Hanuman recommended and came down sometime around midnight.

And then it was shutdown time again.