By Lucy

The first thing I did on Sunday was make yogurt.

So, I’ve been really looking forward to buying Slate River Dairy for 2 reasons. The first is that they sell their products in old timey glass bottles, which is important to me and my quest to avoid single use plastics. I love yogurt, I prefer cream in my tea, and despite the little triangle logo on the bottom of those containers they are not actually recyclable. The simplest option is to just find a retailer who sells dairy products in glass bottles.

The second reason is that their products have a higher fat content than the stuff at the store. Their whole milk is 3.8 while the stores is 3.2, for example.

Now, they do sell “stirred yogurt”, along with a Greek yogurt and a blueberry buttermilk, but I’d prefer to make my own because this is also practicing, for me, for the day when I have my little cabin and a heard of goats producing fresh milk. And, of course, everything is cheaper when you do it yourself.

Admittedly, it’s not rocket science. If you’re here to learn how to make yogurt in a pot or in the stove, you’re outta luck. I got the Instantpot with all the bells and whistles and it has a yogurt button.

It is simple but time consuming, especially the way I do it. I start by using the sterilize button to boil some water inside the Instantpot and make sure it’s really clean. Then I cool it down quickly with some cold water in the sink (on the outside of the liner) and add 2 liters of milk. Then you have to hit the yogurt button until it says boil and let the milk boil for about half an hour. Once it’s done, you skim the skin off the top and dunk the liner into the sink of cold water again to cool it down to 100. At the point you can add the cultures, set it to yogurt, and let it percolate.

That’s so weird, I thought to myself, I’m taking this perfectly good milk and intentionally making it moldy, technically.

I tasted the milk before adding it to the pot. MMM! The best milk I have ever had, hands down. It reminds me of the richer cream they have in Britain and New Zealand.

I’ve been experimenting with yogurt-making since I got back, but I’ve not made a product I was super happy with (yet). There’s a bit of an art to making yogurt.

Depending on your Instantpot, you may have different settings. My yogurt setting has an option for 8 or 10 hours and I always hit 10 because my aspiration is Greek yogurt.

Now, Greek yogurt is a bit contentious. For the record, most “Greek yogurt” you buy at the store is not really Greek yogurt, but artificially thickened regular yogurt. The difference is that real Greek yogurt has a lot of the whey drained out of it. The problem is that by and large this whey is not only useless, it’s a biohazard. You can’t just dump it into the water system because it’s acidic and causes algae blooms and stuff. Whey from cheesemaking has several uses, from more cheese like Norwegian mysost to animal feed to the dried protein powder that’s so ubiquitous these days, but yogurt whey can’t be used for those. So it’s not just to save a buck but also practicality that Greek yogurt isn’t properly made.

However, I had every intention of consuming the whey I made, because it’s not completely useless, just hard to use at scale. I experimented with a few options and eventually discovered it’s great for making low calorie frappe’s, because the vaguely creamy taste and smell, plus the low amounts of protein (most of the calories and protein are in the yogurt) allow it to sub for dairy and still hold the frothy consistency. A cup of yogurt whey, some frozen strawberries and banana chunks and you are off to the races (200 calories a serving). And of course, your milage may very, but I didn’t find it offensive to drink straight either.

Again, time consuming but also not really requiring a lot of effort, just planning. Once it’s bubbled away for ten hours, pop the liner out and into the fridge and let it set overnight (covered, lest it form a skin). Take it out in the morning and, for me, place some cheesecloth in a strainer and set it to strain for about 8 hours. You don’t want to let it strain too long or you’ll accidentally make cream cheese. And in a little less than 36 hours, you have yogurt!

Gosh, I was so excited when I checked it.

The first thing is that I was surprised by how much whey I got. I got somewhere around 5-6 cups, although I immediately spilled some in my surprise and ended up with roughly 4 cups.

But oh, the yogurt!

It was so good, so thick and creamy and flavourful all on its own! Depending on my mood, I’d just eat it straight with no sugar or flavouring added. It was divine!

It was ‘use up all the extras’ day. I had rhubarb from Kevin dying a slow death in the back of the fridge, so I made some rhubarb crumble. The yogurt was very good as a topping for the crumble! A forgotten box of Annies’ for dinner.

Some people has expressed concern that I’m just eating rice. I am not, that would be a five alarm fire. You have to remember that my body doesn’t process food the same, so I can get malnourished easily, and I have a higher protein requirement than most people. I’d love to be on Jeremy’s lentil soup diet, but it’s not an option for me. I have been eating other things; if nothing else, I always have eggs and zucchini for breakfast.

I will say, it is ironic how hard starving is to do these days. For very little money I could go to Wholesale and buy a whole lot of candy that would technically contain enough calories to keep me alive, but it wouldn’t really sustain me.

I tried watching Materialists. I say tried because it was so boring I stopped watching halfway through, which is impressive. It’s got Chris Evans and Pedro Pascal fighting over Ana Steele, with cutaways to discussions about relationships clearly modelled on When Harry Met Sally, but it lacks the incisive wit of that movie, and also doesn’t really serve any interesting rubber-neckworthy drama as they vie for her affections. The only thing the movie did for me was remind me that Pedro Pascal is very hot and theoretically single, and not for the first time had me questioning where this weird interest in LatinX men came from. Before 2 years ago it didn’t exist.

Monday we had a math test and a book test. I did well enough to pass, which annoyed me because I was kinda hoping to get over 90%. Part of the problem is that I am too stressed to study, but studying has also never really worked for me. The way my memory works make it hard for me to unlearn something if I learn the incorrect answer the first time.

One thing that continues to bother me is my memory, actually. I was thrilled when I met Kevin because I was excited to finally know someone who experienced the world I do, and then I discovered a new layer of loneliness. Turns out, 90% of people with a memory like us order their memories in a “memory palace”, but that’s not what I do, so I’m the weird one even by weird one standards!

Also, the test just wasn’t fair. About 10 questions were assuming we had memorized the four pages of like 40 different acronyms for trade and industry associations, which I wouldn’t even have bothered glancing at even if I had studied. Who is that cruel? No one needs to know this.

Then we took up all the chapters we had done thus far in the workbook, which we were all surprised and annoyed by. We were 2 weeks in and we hadn’t taken up anything, so we were all just sort of assuming it never would be. Even worse, we had to have someone else mark it, and I had started writing my answers down presuming I’d be the only one reading them, so they were nigh illegible.

We finally got to do the project Landon had started showing us on Wednesday, which was to joint and plane a piece of wood down to size, and perfect straight and smoothness. Of course, before we went into the shop he made us watch a video about injuries all the tools could give you. Presumably the boys needed it, but I didn’t need more reasons to be nervous about keeping all my fingers.

Somehow I survived, although Landon kept nagging me to go back and take 1/16th of an inch off one of my pieces because apparently 3 of them needed to be perfectly identical. Yes, pride in my work and all that jazz, but it was hard to focus in class. There’s only one miter, to start, so everyone is constantly waiting behind you. Also, Landon seems to be operating on the assumption that all of us have these sorts of tools at home and some basic understanding of how to use them, and I’m afraid to admit that I don’t.

I stopped by Superstore to buy a pack of sausages as cheap protein accoutrement to buttered noodles. Hah! No cheap sausages were to be had. They all either had the tariff sticker or were PC brand, meaning pricey. I did find a pack of regular hot dogs for 2.80$. Yummy yummy.

Of course, I did also have my fresh homemade yogurt!

There’s been a lot of Northern lights recently. Not that I ever see them in person.

Tuesday we started learning Joinery. Now, Joinery is one of the things I really wanted to learn, 1 because it’s ye old way to do it and 2 because it’s the epitome of self sufficiency. If you’re good at joinery you don’t even need screws or adhesives, which is an attractive thought when you are planning for the downfall of modern society.

We spent the afternoon learning how to wetsand and sharpen our chisels, so it’s just as well that I finally managed to get mine back from Kevin. Another skill I’m glad to learn, because it is fairly simple but necessary for joinery, although I did encounter problems because I bought cheap-ish chisels and you really want a set of nice ones. The ability of the metal to hold an edge saves a lot of effort.

As we approached break, I noticed my left index finger was painted red. So intent was I on perfecting the edge on my chisels, I didn’t realize I had been accidentally testing them on the inside of my finger, which was now crisscrossed with fine lines like paper cuts.

Somehow me and David ended up at the same table. He annoys me because he’s racist and has a myopic world view, but he’s also the second smartest person in the class and it’s hard to avoid him. I’m also happy that he’s happily married with a couple of kids and won’t be hitting on me.

Now that I had my steel toed running shoes back, I swapped them out for my big stompy work boots. I doubted I’d have to worry about much in the shop.

My uncle died.

I texted my dad about my theoretical future scope. I also pointed out another year came and left without him acknowledging my birthday and he got angry with me. Firstly because I didn’t acknowledge his birthday, which you might think is fair but isn’t because like Hanuman, he doesn’t like people celebrating his birthday. And second, he snootily informed me one of my uncles was dead and buried on my birthday.

Wow, what a potent mix of passive aggression and emotional blackmail.

There was a darkly comically moment when I had to point out I have 3 uncles with the same name so which one was dead? Unfortunately not the one I want dead, mores the pity.

I dunno, it’s one of those situations where I’m not glad he’s dead, cuz he was a fun guy and fairly young too (still in his 60’s) but he also didn’t really look after himself and we weren’t that close. It does neatly underline what I said earlier about dead men telling no tales. My family members are not young. I tried messaging my aunt to offer my consolations and got no response. I am persona non grata.

Tuesday night was bowling night. I asked John if he wanted a ride down, which is when I discovered he lives a five minute walk from me. Fine, I guess I can walk to bowling! I should be walking more anyway.

We got to the bowling hall and were standing outside waiting for Kevin and Jeremy when I noticed a message from Jeremy. He wanted a ride or he wasn’t going.

Dude! Jeremy had been the one to plan bowling night cuz I wasn’t even in the server when they were discussing it, and he never wants a ride anywhere. Three people isn’t enough for bowling (in my opinion) and I would have been happier staying at home and finishing up some of my chores.

Me and Kevin decided to get food and wait for Jeremy to arrive, which he finally did after much browbeating, and everyone had a good time.

Actually it was funny, because Jeremy is pretty good at getting strikes but that’s not necessarily how you win at bowling. John, turns out, used to be on a bowling league, and knows how the scoring works, which was enough to instantly whip Jeremy into a frothing rage. Which was hilarious.

Wednesday was exciting. Joinery day.

So we are making this square thing basically to practice some different joints. We were doing a half-lap, a dovetail, a half-lap at a 45 degree corner, and a mortise and tenon. It took us a couple days to do it, but I’ll include the finished picture now for context.

It was hard to do. Some of the work could be done quicker and more accurate with a miter, but Landon wanted us doing it all by hand, so we were using back saws for the big cuts and the chisel for the rest.

I struggled a lot at first. I know a lot of chiseling is probably more technique than anything, but it was hard not to feel like I was at a disadvantage because I am smaller and weaker. I managed to get both half-laps done, but David got almost all of his done and was standing around twiddling his fingers.

Home again, home again, for a wee bit. I skipped dinner because there was a Soroptimist meeting that night and I knew there’d be more than enough food to fill me up, so no pointing in wasting my dwindling supplies.

The server exploded when Charlie Kirk was shot.

It’s funny, all the talking heads start parroting lines about not condoning violence, but on the ground everyone was gleefully reveling in it.

For the record, I don’t condone violence either; maybe that’s my Mennonite upbringing, but fire is catching, after all. But it’s hard not to feel some sick satisfaction, some schadenfreude, in a right-wing nut job getting shot just as he was in the middle of accusing trans people and “gangs” of orchestrating mass shootings (especially since the future would show he got shot by a fellow young cisgender white man).

The server exploded into memes laughing about him dying and a few people asked if anyone had the video.

I mean… he was speaking on a college campus. The shooting was probably captured live by a hundred cameras, not to mention everyone recording it for later. But do we really want to post a man’s head turn into red mist?

The server owner comes on; “He was a sick f***, post it”

Alrighty then.

I found a “tasteful” angle. For anyone who doesn’t want to watch the video but is still morbidly curious, a gunshot is rarely as exciting in real life as they are in movies. His head did not explode into red mist (but that’s just a question of angle and bullet type). The human body contains around 5 litres of blood and losing about half of that will kill you, but to be honest, it’s hard to lose close to all 5 litres. After all, the circulatory system is a closed pressure system and once it loses pressure, blood tends to pool behind the valves and stay in the extremities. He was shot in the neck, but it was so understated the crowd was silent for about 30 seconds cuz it honestly didn’t look like he’d been shot. He slumped forward like he was taking a drink of water. There was some blood on the wall behind him, but since it was painted with the stars and stripes it was hard to see. I also marked the video as spoiler so no one could see the thumbnail without clicking on it.

Besides that morbid nonsense, I also roped Hanuman into helping me study since he is also a carpenter. Jokes on me, cuz there was some new stuff he’d never heard of before in the textbook and he was riveted reading it. Plus the aforementioned inability to chisel what is carved in stone out of my head. Hanuman does help because at least I remember him cracking jokes about me getting questions wrong.

Emily was somewhat officially inducted into the Soroptimists and has agreed to become the new secretary. It’s equal parts annoying and funny that they didn’t want to confirm her as secretary because she couldn’t commit to attending every meeting, ignoring that we currently have no secretary and half the time is better than 0! They also spent more than half an hour arguing about how to make our meetings shorter. This group is the definition of “can’t see the forest for the trees.”

I got the cheque to reimburse me for Kahoot and I got some tax money back so I had a little bit to spend. A little bit. I paid off the overage on my credit card and bought some car detailing stuff so my car will be pretty when people come to look at it.

I couldn’t resist. I went into the liquor store and bought a bottle of whisky and drank a quarter of it that night.

Another test first thing in the morning. I felt hungover. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten sloshed the night before a test.

Ah, who cares. I could pass this test blind drunk (well is a separate question) and Landon can barely bother to be here. This is the third week and the first full week he’s been here.

I passed better this time. The thing that screws me up – which Hanuman also pointed out – is that I tend to get questions wrong by overthinking them. For example, one of the questions I got wrong, the answer was simply “epoxy”, but because epoxy was part of the question itself, I second-guessed that it couldn’t be the answer. I keep forgetting this is vocational school and not university.

Man, my hand really itches from these chisel-induced paper cuts.

At lunch I called EI again. My ROE still isn’t in. The clerk on the phone primly informed me they have up to 30 days to decide if I am eligible.

Fantastic. I’ll be dead by then.

I went over to the desk. Mandy has her side closed, so I tried reaching through the letter box to reach the bowl of candy. I need a pick me up.

Julie noticed and started laughing. “You look like a toddler.”

“I earned it,” I say, as she hands me the bowl. “That last job still hasn’t submitted my ROE and Josh didn’t email me back.”

“He’s been really busy lately but he’ll get to it.”

No workshop today. Bruce is using the shop for a PEWPs course and its bucketing it down outside.

My new work pants arrived. They’re… I mean, they’re amazing. Sturdy, two-layer canvas with metal fasteners to reinforce the 3 lines of stitching, and deep pockets. They did end up being too big around my waist, but it’s better than being too small, cuz they have no stretch so otherwise they wouldn’t fit my hips. I went and tried them on and Emily still couldn’t believe how dramatic my measurements are.

Y’know, me and Andrej had a shoot with this froo froo designer who asked for my measurements to bring garments for, and I’m willing to bet she glanced at my hip measurement and wrote me off as plus-sized cuz she brought me a bunch of stuff like muumuus. About a third of the way thru the shoot she realized her mistake and started busting out belts to cinch the garments, but it was too late.

I really appreciated the pants, but my heart sunk when I realized they’d probably just spend the next 4 years in a box. I couldn’t imagine bringing them travelling with me.

Friday we did bookwork in the morning and finished the joinery in the afternoon. Landon has a habit of disappearing when we’re in the shop. I’m not complaining because I don’t want him hovering over me, but it also means it’s impossible to track him down to ask him something. I wasn’t thrilled with my work, but considering he was just showing us the theory and not expecting perfection, I’ll practice at home, thanks. It also doesn’t help that we’re using cheap SPF when joinery works better on expensive hardwoods.

I am getting the hang of it, although it has left my arm sore all week. Carpenters’ elbow.

I asked the old man in the class about his single tattoo and got an earful for it. He looks like a nice old man but he’s really grouchy. The tattoo, at a distance, looks like the gate to Moria, but apparently it was supposed to be a phoenix (yes, it’s that bad).

Emily wanted to try sailing, so I went home and had a nap (sleep eludes me) and hauled myself out of bed to go shiver my butt off in the wind. She’s pretty good at it, at least in crossing from one side of the boat to the other and staying out of the way. We had light wind and a lot of people, so I didn’t give her that much information; better not to overwhelm people anyway. The wind ended up being so light we were actually going 0.0 knots and drifted across the finish line from the action of the waves and not any momentum we had. It was dark by the time we were done but we hung around for an hour afterwards anyway.

New Mother Monster. She’s in this creepy Halloween phase and I’m here for it.

Stayed up too late drinking a bit too much.

Saturday, party day.

Slept in. Was hungover. Or just sick in general. I didn’t drink so much that I could pinpoint alcohol as the problem. I tried a few times to get up and eventually had to ask Emily to go to the store and grab me some Gatorade. I recovered quickly after that, so dehydration was the problem. Went to Superstore and grabbed what I needed for my party. I wanted to do a seafood boil, which is an admittedly pricy option for a party, but there’s ways to get around the price if you price match and stuff.

The other thing was that I wanted to do fruishi (fruit sushi) as dessert, because it requires a lot of prep and it only made sense in the context of a large gathering.

Kev and Heidi were unfortunately roped into driving her aunt back to Souix Lookout and couldn’t attend.

I went over to Jeremy’s place and we spent a couple of hours prepping the food and chatting.

It was all very good and everyone enjoyed it, except the can of lobster which didn’t turn out right. The sweetened sushi rice was a hit, although the fruit leather I picked up to use as “nori” was too stiff and limited our options somewhat.

I had received permission from Emily to borrow her Switch and expected us to play Mario Party, but we all got hooked on playing Overcooked 2 and spent several hours picking away at that. Overcooked is a co-op multiplayer game that designed for you to get several game overs if you don’t work well as a team, but there’s room for lots of laughs if you don’t take it too seriously. One memorable moment included Jeremy killing Kevin by throwing raw chicken at the back of his head, which knocked him into a river (it makes sense in context).

When I went home I brought John with me as well so he didn’t have to walk so far, and he helped me carry the leftovers up the stairs.