By Lucy

This is from the next week, but I’ll add it here where it’s relevant.

Janessa was replaced by a boy named Jordan. I say boy… he’s young, but he’s smart. He keeps his mouth shut and his eyes open and he comments rarely but incisively.

Not even a week into working with us, he’s standing with me and Terry, and he says “I used to be normal until I met you two.”

Terry chuckles says “I used to be normal until I met her.”

I laugh. “I was never normal.”

Both Paul and Jeremy have lamented my future loss as a source of weirdness in their life. Kevin has not, probably cuz he’s the only person who exceeds me in weirdness, if not showmanship.

“What makes me weird?” I query Jordan later.

“Well, everything you say sounds like a sitcom.”

I ask Paul. “It’s the constant narration.” He adds.

It’s curious, I am falling back into bad habits. I was noted in high school for speaking like I just stepped out of Jane Austen, because I read books and didn’t talk to people (which ironically annoyed me when people liked Twilight, because Edward does not speak “Edwardian” despite the text saying he does). I made a conscious effort to use more contemporary language as I was in my late teens and early twenties, but I have abandoned it.

One of my favourite movies is the Game Change, a movie about Sarah Palin during the 2008 presidential election. Someone comments about how hard for any of the candidates take the smallest criticism, and Woody Harrelson’s character comments “They all have a pathological need to be loved. They wouldn’t be fighting for this job if they didn’t.”

One thing that has changed as I’ve gotten older is that I’ve embraced my pathological need to be loved. It goes hand in hand with ambition, so it’s a necessary evil. I’m comfortable being the sad clown; I was bullied enough as a child to not really care what insults people sling my way. Except no one is slinging insults. They all love my brand of weirdness, maybe in a patronizing way, but no one puts me down to my face and that’s what counts.

So I let myself slip back into my weird, internal monologue and archaic speech. As long as it’s formal enough to be weird without being off-putting, endearingly interesting, I’ll let it be me.

The line I’m still finding. When I was a kid my mother would coach me about how I should conduct myself as an adult. That I should get the urge to dye my hair out of my system while I was young, that my tattoos should be in places that could be easily hidden under clothing. I was half-expecting the Rotary club and the Soroptimists to comment on my tattoos at some point as a negative, but no one has. Everyone who’s seen me in casual enough clothes to notice the Sisu tattoo on my collar bone has complimented it with delight, the vibrant colours of the Majora’s Mask. These older ladies, all buttoned-up church goers. Is it them relaxing their standards or just my brand of magic? I suppose it helps that they are “tasteful” and I’m not adorned in skulls or snakes or half-naked women with bat wings, but I still think it’s just my vibe.

I’m starting to feel the “gotta have everything ready” anxiety. I really appreciated Andrej getting me the tablet, but I feel like I should have something a little beefier for my next set of travels. I was also struggling with what to do with my PC. On one hand, it was at the absolute limit of its generation; I can’t upgrade the graphics card without getting a new MOBO, at which point I am just buying a whole new computer, and it will be obsolete when I get back. On the other, I won’t have the cash to drop 2-4k on a new PC when I get back, especially considering I will also be carless, so maybe an ancient PC is still better than none at all.

Paul split the difference, offering me 500 to “borrow” the PC while I’m gone, and then I can either take the PC back if I want it, or he’ll buy me out and pay me the difference. My PC is better than what both Paul and Jeremy have, unfortunately, but it was the result of a years-long effort by me and Brandon, scouring sales, mining rigs and auctions for bits and pieces. The only thing I actually went to the store and bought outright for regular price was the case.

The new laptop I am debating is the “Framework” laptop, designed to be easily fixable and upgradable. It’s affordable but this gen, with the advantage that I can beef it up any way I want by simply ordering a new part to where I’m staying and popping it in. You can even choose which arrangement of plugs you want, from USB-c to HGDI, and even though it only has 4 slots you can just keep the spares on hand and swap them out if the situation calls for it. The only thing that I dislike is that the storage is all NVMe, so I can’t just pop a spare SATA drive into it.

Before I went to bed Sunday morning, I had to wipe up the blood off the floor from my bleeding toes. I peeled off my nails again. Anxiety. My fingernails used to be victims as well, until I got braces.

I debated finding an excuse not to go back to work for a few days. It was heavenly relaxing in the AC, having the house to ourselves, no real obligations. I know Jeremy wanted me to stay, but I should go work. I need all the hours I can get.

Woke up around 2, had a quick breakfast of leftover banana bread, showered and headed out.

Jordan was not in Sunday cuz the hall told him Monday to Friday, still. So it was just the four of us, feeling Janessa’s absence like a lost tooth.

We got there as someone was trying to rob Home Depot. In theory, anyway. Sunday is the only day the store closes at 8 PM, for whatever reason, and the guy strode confidently up to the door with a bucket like he thought he was really going shopping, so I wonder if they let him wander around the store, if he would have paid and left peacefully. He was clearly tweaking, mentally ill, or both. Unfortunately for him, he decided to rob the store when there were 4 sleep deprived carpenters there, and we threw him out. You won’t find a better bouncer than a tradie in a bad mood.

I wore a brace on my knee all week at work, and iced it when I got home. It slowly started to feel better.

It does feel more like cleaning up. We’re doing less putting up shelves and more tertiary tasks; hanging signs and peripherals. I wouldn’t be surprised if Zach was ordered to scale back the scope to what could be done before he had to leave.

Jordan’s good to work with. He’s a local kid; parents own a shop over in Westfort. He’s already completed an apprenticeship in welding and wanted a back-up career after watching some coworkers get maimed (jokes on him, shoulda picked Sparky). He’s also a bigger boy; I questioned if he actually has his working at heights cuz you can’t get it if you weigh over 300 pounds; there aren’t any harnesses for you.

Speaking of sparkies, the Electrician on this site – Jarvis, if I haven’t mentioned his name – has also fallen in love with Thunder Bay. He flew his wife and kid up here to look at houses out in Murillo. I grabbed a card off him; I’ll need an electrician to build my little cabin, I doubt I could convince my dad to come here and help me, and he does residential construction as a side gig.

My car has been making an intermittent scraping sound. I wouldn’t be worried if it wasn’t for the almost 2k round trip Winnipeg will be.

Kev finally showed up for jogging club, which Paul has dubbed Shoesday. We caught up while Lara jogged pensively behind us. She started venting during our cool down. She’s made a few self harming comments in the Discord, but I’m not worried because Lara is the kind of person who suffers in silence. Making distraught comments means she’s reaching out, which is a good thing. As long as she keeps coming to Shoesday, everything should be fine.

Tuesday was Jenna’s last day, thank Christ. She annoyed me as much if not more than Zack, because she couldn’t even pretend she knew anything about carpentry but she’d still try to boss us around. “Have you tried hitting it with a hammer?” What, this piece of metal in my hand is for hitting things? Never occurred to me. Could I test it on you?

Of course, that lead to new problems. Her main job was to control the temps, which left Zack solely in charge of everyone and doing too many things at once. He was less likely to be hovering now, but when he was, he was extra grouchy. Ugh.

Wednesday I managed to get myself the job tearing down a few desks, which was fun. I’m not a big fan of destruction, but sometimes it is nice when your only job is to remove something and no one cares what shape it is in. I found a few things that had been under the desk for who knows how long; a wall charger, which I pocketed, a chocolate bar, and a Home Depot branded walkie talkie.

I ate the chocolate bar. Commercially prepared chocolate bars never really expire, as long as they are still sealed.

James won’t talk to me anymore, beyond a polite acknowledgment of my existence. Can’t say I’m arguing.

At some point the sign disappeared off the blood donor clinic. It wasn’t laying on the ground, so someone removed it in the middle of the night.

At one point I was lamenting about lacking the presence for certain things, and Kerry laughed and said “you’re, what, a buck ten?”

“Buck thirty, thanks!”

He laughed again. “No way you are!”

The surgery doesn’t help. It artificially makes my waist thinner, like the rumors about those models having ribs removed.

“You do look tossable.” Paul says.

“Am not.”

“Yeah, how many black belts do you have?”

None. My mother never put me in martial arts, curiously. She put me in ballet, dance and figure skating, feminine arts at odds with her otherwise solid attempt to raise me androgynously as possible. She did put my brother in karate for a bit but he didn’t last long – I suspect he had some notion that it would make him a badass but he didn’t have the discipline. I learned to fight on the schoolyard because I always wanted to hang out with the boys, and I still debate taking boxing classes.

No rain, no flowers
More pain, more power

Added to my list of nicknames is Lulu and Loo (Lu?).

Thursday I went to the CLE with Kevin. This was the first time I’d seen him for the better part of a month, if not longer. He spent almost 3 weeks in Winnipeg, then a bit camping, and then I was in Dryden for the weekend and was also exhausted the rest of the time. People chuckled a bit at me saying the CLE is our thing when it’s literally the first year mark of us meeting, but it was such a pivotal moment in my life. It also marked the time when Paul added me to the group chat where I’ve met most of my Thunder Bay friends, and as previously stated, my start of Rotary and sailing. In some ways I view Kevin less as a romantic partner and more as a guru, a guide to follow.

We did a round of the fair – he was disappointed and surprised to find the Agricultural fair was still being judged, and the exhibits were empty – went into all the rooms. We caught up and it belated occurred to me I haven’t mentioned some of my plans to him, like selling the car. He expressed interest in the train ride and I do hope he’ll come with me. It seems like a poetic end to a relationship, and a nice little vacation for him. We tried the so-called “Dubai chocolate” on some strawberries, which was interesting, although almost unpalatably sweet.

We went on the bumper cars, a Tilt-A-Whirl, and a Ferris Wheel. The Ferris Wheel reminded me that I am afraid of heights, as I clung to Kevin in terror.

We ran into Lee-Ann at one point and I choked when introducing him. I said “This is Kevin…” And awkwardly trailed off, unsure if I wanted to say “my boyfriend”. Partially out of respect to his situation, and partly because I don’t want to field questions about what happens when i leave for NZ again. Terry has already expressed that he is disappointed my boyfriend isn’t going with me, but then Terry seems more loyal than most men (and I’d love to introduce him to the Vagabond and watch him tear a strip outta him).

My Factor box went missing en-route. Yay. I went to Wendy’s and had a bizarre conversation with the franchise owners.

They sent the temps home early Thursday night and told us no overtime this week. Well, we have no gear! The yard out back is practically empty; hard to install shelves if there are no shelves to install.

Black Keys came out with a new album. Not sure I like it. I prefer more of their Dropout Boogie sound.

Friday was Trivia night, cue more panic attacks. It was quieter than before, but then it was CLE weekend and I wish someone had pointed that out to me before I scheduled it. 80 questions seems to be a good number, and this week I had Kevin write some of the questions for me, because it was food themed and he loves mushrooms. I still made 50 bucks on it and I seem to be developing a small dedicated crowd of my particular brand of trivia. Having only been to one trivia night, it’s hard to say how I compare to others, but my crowd does seem to have an appreciation for my weird sense of humor and topical explanations for the answers. They all expressed interest in the next night and I had multiple requests for Harry Potter trivia, which… sure. I hate Rowling, but at least I can outsource some of the questions to Paul, who I recently discovered is also a Harry Potter fan. The winners were too shy to come up to the ‘podium’ for pictures, so I dragged Paul and Kevin up to the front so we had something to post to the Facebook page. Paul was also kind enough to grab my prizes on his way in; CLE tickets and chocolate bars.

Afterwards, me Kevin and Krish went out for drinks. Oh yeah, Krish showed up, having forgotten his wallet. He insisted on going to a small scuzzy bar across the way (at least he e-transferred Kevin for buying his drinks). We had one drink and then the classic rock on the radio was replaced by a DJ playing club music, so me and Kevin bounced.

I couldn’t sleep Saturday. I made myself go for a walk before the sun went down to get some light exposure, and took a picture of an odd spiky mushroom to send to Kevin. Turns out it is a rare mushroom and he sent me back to find out what tree it was growing under.

I made Jeremy put up a Minecraft server because I was feeling the Minecraft itch. We jumped into the group chat for giggles and was surprised when a bunch of people joined our server and we all stayed up ’til 2 playing Minecraft, totally unplanned. It was a lot of fun! I wanted to find a nice mountain to build Machu Picchu on and spent too much time researching how ancient Incans built their cities.